an odd cocktail September 29, 2006

Last night was such a pretty mess. I tried recalling what exactly took place, but everything went by like a blur. There were petty conversations, intense topics and some sensitive issues that were brought out into the open. When you’re out drinking with friends, a no holds-barred talk fest is very much welcome. But of course, when the people you’re with include your boyfriend, your ex-boyfriend (who remains to be a good friend), your ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend (who also happens to be a good friend), a cousin, and a few other friends, you get something that can only be seen in the movies and a recipe for disaster. However, it never did get messed up that way. And last night was not even the first time I went out with this odd mix.

See, it started at Paeng’s house, and well, it ended at Paeng’s house. It started at around 7:30 in the evening, and ended by 9:30, the next morning. In between that was this twisted combination of: Watching The Family Guy in Paeng’s room. Eating lechon and cordon bleu at Abadies’ house. 4 long-necks, 1 flat, 2 grandes, a lot of Coca-cola. Cracking jokes. Peer pressure (on Momon’s part…hehehe). Being unusually bold and daring when talking about the past, present and future. Going back to Paeng’s. Sleeping in between Lalay and Paeng (and hearing Paeng snore). Waking up at 6 in the morning. Had a nasty hang-over. Heated a can of mushroom soup and had a pseudo-breakfast with Lalay. Watched a devastated post-Milenyo Manila. Watched an AC Milan game (and Pippo Inzaghi..sigh!). Not able to wake Ken, Momon and Abadies. Watched some nonsense movie that seemed like an even unbearable version of Raise Your Voice (as if that was not torture enough). Got up, got out and went home.

Whew!

So I slept for the most part of the day, and for the rest of the time, musing over the pains of a hang-over (and regretting the fact that I had more than I can handle). That always happens the morning of the next day. But despite that, I’m happy everybody got along just fine. From the start, I was optimistic in pulling off something like that, but along the way, it got complicated and I was discouraged. However, my stubbornness prevailed, and what a lot of people think to be impossible, isn’t quite beyond reach after all. If you’re just honest with yourself and you know what you really want, then it wouldn’t take long for others to follow suit.

a tale of two parties September 25, 2006

Throughout the different stages of my life (i.e., elementary, high school, college, at present) I am surrounded with different groups of people. By “group”, it could also be translated to barkada, club, ka-sabay, ka-socio, clique…well, you can call it any way you want to. I’m going to dedicate this particular post to the people I’ve hung out with, still hang out with and will hang out with.

I’ve had both the privilege and “misfortune” of having known so many people. There really isn’t anything wrong with that. In fact, the more friends you have, the more fun life is. Not entirely correct. Things can go a bit haywire when the people you like to be with aren’t exactly floating on the same wave length (happens to everybody!). And I would like to clarify, before any threats to my existence come in, nobody’s better than the other. It is just a matter of conflicting interests.

Okay, back to the statement I am to contend with.

In some ways, having a lot of friends can get a bit tricky and difficult, especially when you become the one in the middle. I guess that’s what I get from being the type of person who can easily relate to anybody (well, most of the time, that is). There was a point when I was being optimistic by thinking that I can make everybody mesh and we all become chummy and obladi oblada, but now, I’ve come to know the real essence of hanging out. Even if all your friends are acquainted, are even friends in their own ways, putting two different circles together in one gathering (in an effort to make yourself present in both, unknowingly selfish!), will only make it uncomfortable. Not to mention, you will be juggling with different interests at a time. Sometimes, I learn things the hard way. Most definitely, I won’t give myself the ultimatum of choosing company. However, it’s inevitable that two (or even more) groups decide to go out at the same time. Here are two deciding principles I came up with, and hopefully, will stand by.

• First come, first serve. Whoever invited me first, or had plans with me ahead, I will be there. And if something comes up at the last minute, I won’t bail the people I’m already with or the people I committed myself to first. Personally, I feel a bit disappointed to people who do that for no important reason. I won’t come up clean because I think I’ve done such before and it does feel bad to disappoint (a) friend/s.

• The greater need. In case one needed me more than the other, count me to be around the one who has the problem or the concern that needed to be addressed immediately. Of course, I am a friend, first and foremost.

I don’t mean to be impersonal, if that’s what I’m imposing. I know I can’t please everybody, but for someone who values friendship and good company a lot, I have to at least, make myself available at times, right? And when I say available, I mean being there a hundred percent and not some place else.

Someone once told me that I have this gift of reaching out to people. This particular gift does have its perks, but it also has its roadbumps. Despite that, I’ve learned that this is who I am and what I have is basically a good thing. I’m not exactly the perfect friend or the perfect company, but just like everybody else, I ask for good and real friends and a real good time. Also, when I say you’re my friend, I mean it. And when I say I care, I do.

So I may have a lot of friends. So the people I hang out with today may be different from those I went out with yesterday. But I will always be one and the same, and you can count on that!

Losing focus September 25, 2006

Ultimately, there will come a time in a person’s life wherein he or she will have to examine certain priorities. I’ve been down this road almost every solitary waking minute of my adult life (which isn’t really much), and right now, it’s all about passing a few exams (three to be exact). Come November 8, I will hopefully be taking the CGFNS exam in Cebu. Why hopefully? Well, I’m not yet rostered for the exam but there’s definitely a bigger chance of getting my name on that list. Anyway, a little over a month left and I’m still going around in circles! But I have always been the crammer and always believed that I work best under pressure.

Who am I kidding?

I have like 3(!) decent reviewers (1 official CGFNS guide), and a couple of study supplements to boot, but somehow, I lacked the enthusiasm needed to get through the black and white. Frankly, it’s not making me anxious at all, but the fact that it doesn’t is making me a tad bit queasy. Tsk tsk…such great confidence in my 4-year educational training, and the miniscule experience I have in the hospital! Instead of burning my brain cells on what’s relatively relative for the time being, I’m here, telling the world (a soul or two), that I…uhm…procrastinate.

So clearly, I should be banned from the pc and glue myself to a not-so-comfortable chair, and be the scholarly person that I really am.

And of course, I’ll be back shortly during my “study break”!

transition September 22, 2006

For those who have been religiously reading my blogs (by blogger and friendster), this is going to be another headache for you. Okay, not really. I’m having problems with my Never-neverland blog, that’s why I’m starting a new one. If you want to keep the link to that blog, it’s perfectly fine (eventhough I’ve imported my posts), but from now on, I will be using this one. For Friendster users (who isn’t these days in this part of the world ey?), posts will still be coming in from there.

cobwebs September 21, 2006

For some reason I feel both the need and the desperation to drown. In my thoughts, in my head, in the uncanny abyss. Maybe I haven’t been as productive as I would have wanted to be. I’ve been reading and answering the reviewer provided by the examiner, and finding myself to be slightly below the standard I’ve grown accustomed to (75%), and the questions, weren’t even mind-boggling to begin with. No, I’m not depressed, and definitely not frustrated. Just wondering, out loud, I suppose. I figured that it has been a while since I read something related to my profession or those things I’ve learned in school. Yeah, that could be it. So there’s really no need for me to drown. I know better now. It’s a matter of cleaning up the cobwebs and polishing those neurons and re-charge the impulses.