People we love the most, have this tendency to “protect” us from whatever forces they deem hurtful. But the fact of the matter is, by doing so, they hurt us even more. By believing that what we don’t know can’t hurt us, isn’t actually thinking. Just being safe and stupid. (more…)
why i write October 23, 2006
I write for many reasons, the apparent and the not-so-obvious. For one, I have always been a highly imaginative person filled with both concrete and abstract notions firing at rapid speed. This has come to my disadvantage, as much as it has to my advantage. You see, because of this, I am open to a lot of ideas, thus I tend to embrace a wider life picture. On the other hand, I easily get confused with this hazy mess that’s going on inside my pretty little head. Writing seems to put things into perspective. I can actually see what I’m thinking, and because I am able to process it again at another time, I have the privilege (and the agony) of correcting myself, or reinforcing what I initially believed in.
I think I wasn’t born this way– I wasn’t exactly born a writer. And I have yet to reach my full potential. At times, it has become a burden to punch in words that will mean something. Even with the presence inspiring ideas, it’s just difficult to come to terms with just a single train of thought, vis-a-vis a tangled web of sentiments. However, there are times when I’m in one with the keyboard. Just tapping away characters as they come to mind.
So why do I write? For many reasons, that’s for sure. Expression. Attention. Gratification. Learning experience. Journaling. Remembering. Passing time. But it’s basically just an outlet for whatever’s pent up inside my head (to avoid mental congestion, even if it’s not scientifically possible).
Why do you write?
happy ever afters October 20, 2006
I have always been a fan of happy-ever-afters. As a child, I grew up reading volumes of fairy tales and seeing most of them in technicolor, thanks to Mr. Walt Disney. From these humble beginnings, my idea of what love is– the romantic kind–was slowly taking shape.
A few years and all that magic is simply as it is: a figment of the imagination.
Don’t get me wrong. Love is good, in fact, it’s beyond good. But (yes, there’s always a “but”), it’s not all good. I’ve heard my friends talk, and myself think, and we all come up with the same conclusion. That based on what we’ve experienced and what we are going through, love was not picked out from glossy storybook pages.
it’s a trial and error thing October 13, 2006
There are two truths I’ve learned recently. You can’t really choose your friends AND you can’t say you don’t need one.
We hear a lot of people tell us to be careful with who we hang out with and to be extra careful with who we trust our lives with. But does it make any difference? All my life, I’ve never made that an issue, but it’s really not a full-proof plan either. Like everything else out there, friendship is a trial-and-error thing. You get both the perks and the occasional peeves. Nailing the perfect friend is a trivial pursuit, because in the end, all you get is crap. It’s no shocker that friends have hurt me, betrayed me, talked behind my back and lied to my face. But they’re still my friends. On the other hand, I have friends who stood by me no matter what, who just listened to me when I needed them to do nothing else but that, who assured me that everything’s going to be okay. And I guess that’s reason enough to let people in, right? But it’s really more than that and to tell be honest, I can’t explain it yet. You may or may not admit it, people need people to get by. Even hermits? Hmmm…I am still to meet one.
how far, how long (part two) October 9, 2006
To continue…I’m still a long long way from coming up with a conclusion. Or maybe, that day will never come. Sometimes, it’s easier to think that we have it all figured our, however, there are times you wished you never had an idea on anything. Just like this sabbatical I’m taking. I know I wanted to get to the bottom of things, sort out whatever’s bothering me. But a part of me would want to wait for things to happen.
So I’ve been asking myself, in a relationship, how far is too far? And how long does it have to take to know you’ve hit the mark? And so many questions. With the premises I’ve enumerated on the previous post, there’s no telling as to whether or not, there will be some form of a conclusion. After all, love is as subjective as life itself. And what I’ve shared thus far, is merely a product of a few years’ experience (my own, as well as some of my friends’). Whenever I realize something significant (and the not-so-substantial), I shall put it down. But for the meantime, I would like to end this bit by saying one thing: we are all entitled to experience whatever love is for us: joy, bliss, hurt, sadness, disappointment, hope, confusion, illusion, reality…it could be anything…but perfect.
how far, how long (part one) October 7, 2006
It was not a long time ago when I started to fall in love (say, almost five years ago). Life went along like driftwood and love became more than just a four-letter-word. It suddenly became life itself.
I’ve been gathering enough courage to face a couple of inevitable issues related to life in love. Here’s couple of them:
- Familiarity breeds contempt. I never did quite understand this. In a way, it’s imposing that the longer you’ve known somebody, you are more inclined to have this tendency of harboring some form of spite towards that person. Okay, spite may have been too harsh a word. Because you are comfortable with each other, your true colors will just come out, and it’s not all the time that you agree or even tolerate a certain behavior. Then you’ll start to think that you may not really know this person at all. The nonsense babble and banter begin. A broken record played over and over again.
- The space between. There’s this theory that defines the significance of space. Nothingness. Seriously, that was just me talking. The term “cool-off” or putting the relationship on hold is not really as easy as it may seem. But with just the right amount of conviction, it might just be what the doctor ordered– to let things be in order for healing to take place and no effort should be made to patch things up– other than, of course, personal space. However, where’s holding-on-to-what-you-love in that?
- which brings us to Commitment. My previous post may have said a thing or two about that already (and I’m relieved to know that a few people got my point..
).
- True love waits. And I am going beyond premarital sex here. Time does not really exist in the realm of true love. Or so I would like to believe. Each person has his or her perfect season for the picking, and when ready, love will be at beck and call. Yes, I can be irritatingly optimistic. So shoot me now.
So far, that’s all I can articulate (with so much going on in my head, I simply can’t bring it all out into the open at one time). If you have anything to say about this, anything relatively complicated as this, you are most definitely welcome.
pushing the brick wall with your bare hands October 1, 2006
It has been a while since I wrote something about love, when it’s really one of those things I see and feel every day. I’m not singling out on what I’m going through, but what’s going on around me.
Commitment. I don’t think it’s complicated. Nothing is until you really burn yourself just thinking about it. People say that word as if the weight of the entire universe is upon them. But then, why even think about it? Why go through all the trouble, despite the obvious warnings of probably hurting somebody (yourself included)?
There are several ways of putting it. Trust. Devotion. Surrender. Never bailing on love (at lengths, pushing a brick wall with your bare hands). Commitment. And they say it’s synonymous to love.
Right.
Love, on the other hand, is like the air that we breathe. It engulfs every aspect of our beings, and even gets into the very depths of our souls. But also like air, we can never hold it, and it becomes unstable once contained. “To have and to hold” love is plain silly (rest-assured, you won’t be hearing that when I say my wedding vows).
If commitment is such a heavy word, then why does it have to be in tow with love? Because contrary to what most believe, it doesn’t contain love, it doesn’t control love. Commitment lets love be. Oddly, that’s how I feel.
You may think otherwise.
